Self-love and acceptance, what is it? I kept on hearing that I have to love myself more, I have to take a better care of myself, that I can’t pour from an empty cup. Consciously I understood that perfectly, but my subconscious mind believed different things and associated self-love with pain, fear and suffering. I felt that if I will take care of myself first I will abandon others. That was automatically going to bring a lot of guilt, resentment, anger and self-hatred. My first priority has always been taking care of others, so even thinking about the change brought a lot of resistance and frustration. These feeling arose because I didn’t know how to have a healthy balance between self-love and taking care of others.
Over the last six months I have been trying to juggle between two worlds and two different realities. In my conscious mind everything seemed under control. Even though I was feeling tired I was proud of myself that I had a control over my life. I felt that I have mastered self-love and acceptance. Self-love for me was having my nails done and booking a massage once in a while. However, my subconscious mind was running on completely different belief systems. Self-love in my subconscious was covered in layers of self-limiting beliefs. The biggest of them was a fear of opening myself up for love. Love is defined as an intense feeling of affection. I associated love with pain, hurt and broken hart. Even though deep down I knew that it could bring butterflies into my stomach I chose to put my boundaries up and avoid that feeling. Every time I surrended to it I got hurt and the pain was so deep and unbearable.
Because my discovery to love brought hurt and disappointment I subconsciously created the same beliefs for self-love. I was trying to avoid it as much as possible and to stay in my little bubble of fear. Theta Healing journey brought me here to realise why I have been actually avoiding it. Since my first course in January 2017, I have been clearing layers of this deep fear. Deep down I know that the seed to self-love and acceptance was already sprouting in my hart, but it never got to blossom fully.
I was continuing my training as a Theta Healer with 10 day Diseases and Disorders course. The aim of the course was to clear my fears around diseases and disorders. What I ended up clearing was my fears around self-love and acceptance. Over the 10 day period I ended up having 3 meltdowns and that is when my body started bringing my fears to the surface, so that I could clear them and access a new layer of self-discovery and love. I will not lie, it was hurting really bad, but the feeling of love that it brought after could not be described by words. My hart started opening to love and started to radiate that love into the rest of my body. I was rebirthing into love. The healings that I have received over this course opened up a new layers of understanding of what self-love truly is. It has never been about what is on the outside, but rather what was hidden under these deep fears in my subconscious mind.
What I have discovered is that self-love and acceptance is taking time off from our busy day to reflect on what is actually happening inside of our bodies. Are you storing the anger that you feel towards your boss, who made you work over time? Maybe you store guilt for not being able to spend enough time with your loved ones. Or self-hatred for not sticking to your healthy eating plan, which you promised yourself you will do.
Self-love and acceptance is taking time off just for you, so that you can go deep inside yourself and find it hidden under the layers of suppressed emotions – anger, guilt, blame, shame, resentment. Once you truly find self-love and acceptance within than you can decorate yourself on the outside with the beautiful dress, perfect manicure or a spa day.
Radiating a true self-love from within would create a different reality. We will be able to attract positive and loving experiences. When we radiate this love in our hart the actions that we take will also be filled with love. That is the key to happiness. Resistance to self-love and fear will always kick in. Learning to say no to it and saying yes to self-love would be a life changer here.
I have graduated from my Diseases and Disorders course, but it also felt like I have graduated from Self-Love and Acceptance course. I know that this is just a beginning to my journey, but I am ready to surrender to love as often as possible. This makes me a better person and a better healer. To deepen my journey of self-love and acceptance I am inviting you to join my Blooming From Within Facebook Group and 21 Day Self-Love Challenge. I will share different practices to bring us closer to our harts and to unlock that warmth within.
Join 21 Day Self-Love Challenge